CM GT/Class/Whatever It's Called

So I had my CM class on Sunday. There were 11 people there, and I was hoping for some great sales. Unfortunately, it wasn't that great. My sales were only about $350. I think some of the people had a consultant, so that didn't help me out. And while they seemed to have fun, I couldn't gauge their interest. But on the positive side, there were 2 people who seemed to really be interested. So they are who I need to work with.

Just Rewards

So I've got several admin that I "manage" and I use that term loosely since I have no real authority over them. We are all told that if they start become overwhelmed, they are to come to me, which means that I then have to do their work. It's not like I can tell the President of the company that no, he can't get that proposal because his admin is working on something else. Give me a break.

But most of my admin are pretty good. They work hard. They offer to help out when other people need help. All but 1. She refuses to do anything that is administrative in nature, because she hates doing that in her job. Now, I have to do admin work because it's part of the job. I don't always like it but I do it. She just refuses. And I can't do anything about that.

So what happens? I had a meeting with my boss today to go over her review. For the most part, it was positive, but there was nothing out of the ordinary there. She does her job, and while she does it good, she doesn't really go above and beyond her job description, except for agreeing to teach our contact manager program to new staff. That's it. And how does she get rewarded? She gets a HUGE increase - 10.5%! Now, I work my butt off, do the job of 3 people, and I don't even get that. My boss is afraid that she will leave, so this is his way of preventing that.

That isn't something that I agree with, but unfortunately, I can't do anything about it. That's what annoys me. It just goes to prove that working hard doesn't always have its just rewards.

It's Saturday Night and I Ain't Got Nobody

Another Saturday night, and I'm at home now. By myself. But it's okay. I just don't have any energy to socialize with anyone. Isn't that sad? I don't feel like doing the bar scene or any other scene. So I'm catching up on my Tivo, and will get to work cleaning my house. Not very exciting. It'll be a busy few weeks coming up. I'm heading back to Minnesota to spend a week with my parents, then will be heading to Regionals, then have my crop. So I have about 5 days to get everything else done. And what am I doing? Sitting on the couch. I need to get off of my butt and get to work.

I've got my first CM party in quite some time. And I'm looking forward to it. I need to start getting ready for it, and get all of my stuff organized. My goal is to sell $800 and get another party on the books. And, hopefully get 1-2 people coming to the weekend retreat! I'll update this tomorrow.

Football Boy is still annoying me. I got an e-mail from him when I was in MN last weekend, wanting to know how I was doing. I told him how I was feeling, and that I felt very alone. And has he even made an attempt to talk to me? Nope, not at all. How frustrating is that. On the other hand, Atlanta Boy called me about football tickets (why does he ask me these??) and I told him what was going on. He was caring. What a difference between the two.

The Latest News on my Dad

I'm back from Minnesota and a few days with my dad. What a roller coaster the trip was. Laura and I met at the airport and when we called Bonnie, we found out that he was getting released to the rehab center that afternoon. We were so happy about that. We got to the hospital and he looked better than I thought he would look. He had sat up for about an hour, ate most of his breakfast and lunch, and was awake the whole time we were there. He got taken over to the rehab center and we got him settled in. He sat in the wheelchair a few times, ate dinner, etc. Gerri showed up and he recognized her as well, so that was good. We all felt good when we left Friday night.

Saturday morning, we went to the rehab center to see Dad. And he looked horrible. He was in a lot of pain, didn't sleep well. He was having problems urinating. He has this rash over his legs, and it looked horrible. He looks like he was burned on his legs. They were blistering and full of puss, and some has opened and were bleeding. His feet look horrible - they are so dried up and have blisters on them. And they looked purple. So he ended up having to get sent back to the ER. They did a bunch of tests - chest, kidneys, etc - but nothing was coming up on them. They decided to admit him back to the hospital until they could find out what was wrong with the rash.

My cousin Beth came by and stayed with us for most of the day. She also called her mom (my aunt) and chewed her out for not coming by before to be there for her sister (my stepmom). So my aunt and uncle came down and spent a few hours with us. That was very helpful - to have someone else to lean on and to have more support.

We got to the hopsital early on Sunday, and he was sleeping most of the morning. They took him to get more tests, and they all came back negative. So that was good. The dermatologist came by in the evening and wanted to take some samples and send them to the Mayo Clinic to figure out what is going on. They decided to keep him there overnight.

The worst part was when we were trying to leave on Sunday night. We took Gerri back to the airport Sunday afternoon, and he was fine with that. But when we tried to leave to go home, he said he didn't want us to leave and asked why were we always leaving him. And that got to all of us. We were all choked up about that. I've never had anything tear my heart up like that. The nurse came in and straightened up his bed and talked to him so we could leave that helped some. But still,

Today Laura and I had to leave. We talked to my stepmom from the airport and they decided to release him to the rehab center again - they felt like he was ready for it and there was nothing they could do for him. My stepmom got him into a different place, one that is very new and better suited for him. They have all rehab patients on one floor, and let the patients be in private rooms. He'll start his therapy tomorrow and we're hoping that he won't be in there for more than a few months.

So I'm heading back there in two weeks, with John. Then Gerri and Rick will go out two weeks after that. Then Laura will go out after that - we're not sure if David will go. I'm going to try and go out there every few weeks, just to be with him. And hopefully when he comes home, I'll be able to go out and help him get acclimated to being at home again.

So we still have the rash and the blood clot to work with, but hopefully we can get those taken care of soon.

So hopefully we'll be able to get off of this roller coaster soon. We're hoping for some good days ahead of us and that my dad will start walking on his own again.
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More Frustration

Well, not much new with Dad. They STILL don't know what's wrong with him, and that is so extremely frustrating to me. And to everyone else. And I haven't really been able to talk to him, so that's frustrating. I just want him better. But I'm not sure if that will happen. And that scares me. Not having Dad in my life scares me. He's been such a big part, such an important part of my whole life. I couldn't ask for a better father. I just want him around - I'm not ready to say goodbye to him yet.

So outside of a reply from Football Boy, nothing. No phone call, no other e-mail. And that really hurts. I thought we were friends, but obviously I'm not important to him. When we were in Florida for Z's funeral, I told him one of my greatest fears - that I expect the next funeral to be my fathers. So he knows how I'm feeling about this. I won't say anything to him about this anymore - he has to make an effort - I can't always be the one who does this. He needs to sart thinking about someone other than himself.

Work is driving me crazy. I'm not sure if I'm in the right place for me. And I can't put my finger on why. Maybe if I had control over HR, it would be one thing. But I don't. It has to go through too many layers, and by that time, it's not worth it. I mean, why should the CEO want input into first level interviews??? That makes no sense at all. And if we're focusing on supervisor training, why should this be from the employee's perspective? That's not what our focus is on. Totally frustrating. I almost wish I was consulting again - but not on long-term assignments - I want to just do projects - that way there is a beginning and an end. I need to finish redoing my resume and start thinking about the next position.

Improvement

Well, Dad is improving a bit. He's still in the hospital, and we're not sure when he'll get out. But the doctor thinks he doing better. The blood clots are going away, which is good. He's still having some problems, but he's working on getting better. And that's what important. Gerri, Laura and I are heading out on Friday to spend the weekend with Dad and Bonnie. I think we can help Bonnie out some, or at least give her some comfort.

So I was able to get some scrapbooking done today, which was good. Not as much as I wanted to, but hopefully I can finish that up this week. I just need to do the titles on the pages. Then I can start on my 2007 album and getting it set up. I need to figure out what I'm working on at Jeanette's retreat and at our retreat. I hope to get a lot of pages done at those retreats, or at least get organized to get pages done.

Married Boyfriend called me on Friday. Apparently he and his wife are divorcing, and he's moving to New Jersey with his work. He's not sure when he'll be moving, but sometime within the next few months. So that's interesting. I was thinking of him not too long ago since I haven't heard from him in quite some time. He said we'll get together before he moves, but I don't know if that will really happen. He got another call when we were talking, and he said he'd call me right back, but I haven't heard from him yet. Oh, well.

Hopefully this will be a good week.

Updates

Not much to report on my dad. He's still in the hospital - they're not sure what is wrong with him. Maybe his chest, maybe his stomach, who knows. All I want is for them to FIND OUT what the heck is wrong and fix it so he can go home. But they haven't been able to do this yet. Very frustrating. It's making all of us edgy - we just want answers.

My Dad, Part 2

Well, things are much better. The doctor decided to go with giving him a shot to help thin his blood and break up the blood clots. They're doing that every 12 hours until his blood level is up to 2 - it's not at 1.25. So it's slowly moving up. And they are putting him into a rehab center tomorrow. I'm not sure how long he'll be in there, but it's positive. If they thought he wasn't getting better, then he would still be in the hospital. He still sounds drugged up, but he's getting better. That's what I have to keep telling myself.

This has been a very crazy, upsetting time for me. And you know what hurts - I sent a message out to Debbie, Kim and Bill about all of this. I can understand Debbie not calling - we don't have that type of relationship. But neither Bill nor Kim called me this weekend - or e-mailed - to see how I was doing or how Dad was doing. I would have thought they would have done that at least. I don't understand that at all. Why wouldn't they bother to do that?? But I can't worry about that. I now need to focus on myself and my own life and not worry about their life.

So tomorrow I have to get my butt in gear and get some things done. My list is very lacking in getting things crossed off. I have to finish cleaning up downstairs, go to the post office and mail a bunch of things, go to the library and drop off some books and get a few that are on reserve. And so some laundry. Then I can spend some time scrapbooking and exercising. Monday we're supposed to have dinner with Misty - that'll be nice to get together with the girls.

I never heard from Pat today - that's also frustrating that she's not responding. We were supposed to work on the retreat stuff, but it's kind of hard to do by oneself. Hopefully she'll call me tomorrow and we can set something up.

My Dad

I've been debating whether to put this in here or not, because if it's in writing, then it means it's real. But my dad hasn't been doing well at all over the past year. He and my stepmother were supposed to come out in May, but 2 days before the travel date, he ended up in the hospital. They weren't sure what was wrong, but the doctor basically said no more traveling, and to rest for a few weeks (after a whole bunch of tests were run). They determined that he had a very minor stroke. I went out and saw him in August, and my sister and her family went out the week after I was there. He was doing better, but getting a little forgetful at times. I was chalking that up to his age - he'll be 87 this year. I went out the 2nd weekend in December, and while he looked okay, I could tell that he was tiring a lot more, his memory was fading a bit, and he was taking more naps than he wanted to admit. He has to take it easy - and he needs someone to watch/help him go up and down stairs. He has to do things like when he gets up in the morning, he needs to sit up in bed for a few moments before getting up because he gets unsteady.

I came back on a Sunday, and he was in the hospital that following Thursday - he had fallen down and blacked out for a moment. My SM called the paramedics and they wanted him to go and get admitted. He was there until the Sunday before Christmas. They changed his medication, and arranged for a PT/OT to come to the house several times a week to work with him. He now has to walk using a walker (which he hates), but they thought things were getting better.

Yesterday, he got up in the middle of the night and just collapsed. My SM called the paramedics again and they took him to the hospital. They ran all sorts of tests, and can't figure out what is wrong. They took him off of all of his medication, and are watching all of his levels. He needs help walking and getting into/out of bed. And my SM can't do this by herself. So everyone has brought up the idea of him going into a rehab center until he gains his strength back and can go home. Yesterday he flat out said NO. But today he's realizing that it's the best thing and hes resigned himself to go. So now my SM is checking out different rehab places for him. The one she wants him to go to is only a mile from their house, but it also has a wait list.

His memory isn't getting better. Yesterday when I talked to him, he wanted to make sure I got there okay. I had to tell him that I wasn't heading out there (because he won't let me), but I would get on the next plane if he said so. He said not to. Then today, I called him a bit later than I normally did since I wanted him to sleep. He said that he slept for a short while, but it was time for him to get up since it was 8:00 in the morning (it was 5:30 p.m. his time). And he sounds so drugged out even though he's not taking any medication. One of these times, I'm afraid that he won't remember who I am.

I know that we are supposed to outlive our parents. But it's so hard to see them get old. I wish I could stop this, but I can't. And I hate seeing him like this. I can't even fathom him not being here - he raised me and he's my best friend. But I know that I've only got a few more years of him left with me. I just hope that it is peaceful for him.

Home Again

I'm back home. I had all of these great things I was going to do when I got home. And what have I been doing - sitting on my butt. I wanted to get my living room completely done - and I won't let myself go to bed until it is organized. I've gotten rid of 1 1/2 trash bags of stuff, so that's a start. The only thing I won't do is rehang some pictures, only because it's too late to be hammering nails. So I'll do that tomorrow. Tomorrow I need to do my bedroom and take inventory. That will be a long day. And go to the gym. And pay bills. All of those have to get done. And if there is time, some work things. But if the work things don't get done, then they don't get done. I'm not going to worry about that.

I need to quit procrastinating. That's not a good thing to do. Especially when I have all these projects that I want to do. Why do I do that??? I wish I knew.

So I never talked about Atlanta Boy and not seeing him in Atlanta. I'm frustrated with him. I don't understand him. I know we're not together, and we won't be together - he ended that a few years ago. But why does he call me and talk about season tickets and tickets for the bowl game, then blow me off when I'm in town? I don't understand that. I just need to quit calling him. He doesn't know how to be a friend.

And I'm over my infatuation with Football Boyl. I can't figure out how he can be so nice one day and then such a jerk the next night. It makes no sense. Maybe Stupid Girl is the right one for him since she's as selfish as he is. I think SC Girl has a thing for him but won't admit it. She gets upset when he talks to other people and not her. And the way they act around each other - it's almost to a possessive point. But I need to not focus on that because it makes me not have a good time when I'm with them. I've got to really think about football next season and if I want to do it with the group again. Well, that's stupid - I know I do. I just need to make some time for myself as well as with them. I can't do the 24-7 thing again - it's too hard. That's why I left early most of the time. I need some down time.

But I am sad that football is over. I need to make sure to get together with Hokie Chick, Car Driver and Hokie Boy more often than Blacksburg and Hokie Boy's parties. That's just not right. They are fun to hang out with. I need to start hanging out with my friends again and not let work interfere with everything I do.

So that's my big resolution - get back some work/life balance.

Happy New Year

So here are my goals for 2007. I wonder how many of them I can keep?
2007 Personal Goals

Creative Memories
* Build customer database
* Strive to have 1 new event a month and 1 regular crop
* Send out monthly e-mail updates
* Send out quarterly newsletters
* Weekend Crop - March
* Memoranzia - April
* Croptoberfest - October
* Open House – November/December
* Recruit

Family/Friends
* Monthly e-mail updates to family
* Try to keep in better contact with friends
* Write more letters to Grandma and Sarah
* Monthly get-togethers with local friends

Health - Lose weight and tone up
* Develop a work out routine – keep it varied
* Eat healthier, and more consistently – no more skipping meals
* Monthly measurements
* Start doing fun activities – biking, hiking, etc.
* Train for triathlon

House Improvements
* Redo backyard
* Buy shed for backyard
* Replace front door
* Paint guest bathroom and bedroom
* Go through every room and declultter
* Clean out and organize storage area
* Replace carpet in living room/hall/steps/bedrooms/downstairs
* Replace cabinets in kitchen
* Buy new stove and dishwasher

Photo Albums
* Stay current with yearly album
* Finish Disney album
* Update Holiday album
* Finish College albums
* Work on state quarters album
* Football album – 2006 and 2007
* Organize rest of pictures

Professional Development
* Recertify for CCP – need 5 credits by end of February

Travel
* Budget in trips to Tech for football
* Budget in Trips to Tech and other locations for football games
* Day trips throughout DC area
* Las Vegas in January
* Maine in June
* Minnesota in August
* Girls’ scrapbooking weekend??
* Disney trip

Personal
* Date
* Pay down home equity loan
* Pay off credit cards

Happy Last Day of 2006

It's almost 2007. I'm so glad that 2006 is over. It really wasn't a good year for me, and I don't want anther year like this. I need to have a good year. 2006 started off not on a good note, and it didn't end on a great note. The Hokies got their butts killed at the bowl game - after blowing a 21-3 lead at the half. What a depressing way to end the season. And add being sick on top of that - doesn't make it better. So I'm going to find a way to make this year better. At least I'm starting out differently than other years. We're not at a bar, and I haven't had a drink. We just stayed at Fred & Jayne's and watched football. So no hangover. I'm ready to go home now. I need to make up my list of things to do when I get home - I have the day off on Wednesday and I have a lot going on. I want to start really cleaning my house and getting it decluttered and clean so I'm not embarassed if someone comes over. And I need to work on my goals/resolutions for 2007 - I want to do more than I did in 2006. I want to make 2007 more about me than everyone else.