The Going Gets Tough

What a day today. Actually, it’s been a rough week or so. I’m starting to feel the depression now, and I need to find a way to get over this.

I had the last of my tests today – did the heart scan, the bone scan, the inside scans. I’m so sick of being poked and prodded. And the sad thing is that it’s not even close to being over. And I just want it to be.

The concert was totally awesome! That’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me in quite some time. But it also was sad. FM wasn’t able to come to the show, and I haven’t even heard anything from him since. Oh, well. I wish we could try and see if something could happen, but it doesn’t look like it. I know I shouldn’t be sad – it was just one night. Except that he seemed to be a lot of fun, and we seemed to connect in a small way.

But then I have to think about is it fair to even try and start something, knowing that I’ll be going through hell for the next six month? Or is it even fair to put this on someone for the long term?

And work today sucked. One of the partners isn’t quite up to par right now. So that’s an issue. And I had to counsel out one of my seniors – again, not up to par. Horrible, horrible. My boss was also feeling it, especially since he has to deal with the partner.

So tomorrow I head down to Blacksburg, then to Charlotte. It’ll be good to see the H’s and the B’s. I don’t know if the rest of the football crew will be there – and I don’t really care. The other gang will be there, and we’ll have fun. I’m looking forward to football. Atlanta Boy is meeting me there as well, which will be nice.

Updates

It's been a while since I've written. Lots of things going on.

First of all - the Olympics. It's all I've been dong for the past week. And it's so amazing to see history being made with Michael Phelps winning 8 gold medals. 8! He got golds in every single one of his races. What a feat! He broke 7 Olympic records. He's just awesome.

Cancer - well, now I have to have chemo and radiation. I was hoping that I would bypass chemo, but that isn't going to happen. That'll start next month. I'm not happy about it, but I have to do it. Of course, I hate that I'll most likely lose my hair. I had my MUGA Scan done the other day and that was fine - my heart is strong. I go in next week for my PET scan, where they'll see if the cancer is anywhere else.

Springsteen - yeah, the concert is on Monday. And FM is going to meet me there, yippee! I'm very excited about that. My college roommate is also meeting me there. And of course MB#1 will be there. We'll have a great time. I don't know if FM is going to come back up here afterwards - he has a client in DC to check in on. Or he might have postponed that. We'll see. I'm just looking forward to seeing him again.

So B sent an e-mail out to the football group, asking for people to give him 5 songs. I guess he's going to make a CD or something. I replied back to him asking if he wanted the actual songs or just the names - we'll see if he responds. I kind of doubt it. I think he just used the names from J's e-mail. Or maybe he'll surprise me.

Okay - time for bed. Crop tomorrow, so I have to be up early to get ready for it.

The Vacation's Over

It’s Saturday night and I’m watching the Olympics. I have to leave tomorrow. It’ll be nice to be back home and try and get my life back together. But it’s been nice being with the family. I got to see Grandma (but I should have spent more time with her), Joyce & Roy, Norm, Marlene & Justice, Tom & Janice, Lorina & Duane, Beth, and Andy, Katie and Brielle. As usual, nothing from Dan & Pat’s family. And unfortunately Brad & Donna weren’t able to make it up. Bonnie and I kept busy. On Monday, we did some grocery shopping, had lunch at Byerly’s and dinner at Davinni’s. Tuesday we spent the afternoon at the Minneapolis Zoo and had dinner with Tom & Janice at Chianti Grill. On Wednesday, we drove around Lake Harriet and Lake Como. Then we went to Enjoy! For dinner. Thursday, we went to the cabin and met up with Joyce. We just goofed off here – ate lots, watched the Olympics, rested, talked. It’s always nice being here with no pressure to do anything. I actually did a soft-cover Storybook of Showcase and worked on my football album. So I feel like I got some things done.

This is bizarre. The CEO of Bachman’s Flowers was killed in Beijing during the Olympics. His wife is seriously injured. His daughter was safe, and they haven’t said anything about the tour guide. The man who stabbed them – he then committed suicide. The daughter is one of the volleyball players, and her husband is the head coach of the men’s volleyball team, who pulled out of the Olympics. What a tragedy.

So I go back home tomorrow. I have a lot of things to do – some work, lots of e-mails, going through my mail and paying bills, getting my packages from E, unpack and do laundry, and get ready for work. I meet with my oncologist on Wednesday and find out the next steps in my treatment. And my second surgery is scheduled for September 4. Both of my sisters will be there, so hopefully we won’t get on each other’s nerves too much. I just want to get through this and get my life back in order.

And no word from my Full Monty dude yet on if he’s going to the Springsteen show with me. But I have to assume he’s not. And it sucks. I don’t even get a chance to see how we’d get along. Oh, well. It’s his loss. So I’ll check with MB#1 to see if he’s coming with me.

Showcase 2009

So I’m here at Showcase. And it’s a big downer in some ways. Marketplace was horrible. We got in the room about 8:00 a.m. and they were already out of the cash-n-carry items, of which there were only a few things. And the check-out lines were ridiculous. The leaders were allowed to go in at 7:00 a.m. and they pretty much cleaned it out. And by 2:00 p.m. there were a lot of things online that were gone as well. So they didn’t do a good job with having enough products for people to buy. And we didn’t get shirts there – we had to order them and they are being sent out within 4 weeks. What’s up with that?

And I’m getting sick of the leaders sticking their heads in the sand in terms of traditional scrapbooking. They keep saying that digital and framing is the future. And that’s where we should focus. Well, that’s fine if you have a digital and/or framing customer base. Which I don’t. I have lots of customers who use Macs, so they can’t do digital. So how can I sell digital to them if it’s not available? Their solution? Get new customers. Um, hello – not quite as easy as it sounds. Where are these new customers?

While I don’t like the direction CM seems to be heading, I don’t want to give up. I want to see them/us succeed. But there is a lot that needs to be done. It’s been slipping since Asha took over, and I’m not seeing real solutions out there, only band-aids. I was hoping to see some positive changes, especially with the economy, but I don’t know if that’ll happen. The consultant count is way down – only about 47,000. They’ve gotten rid of recognition and have told leaders to economize their profit. But us lowly consultants – we get nothing, which gets us more discouraged. It’s up to our unit leaders to recognize us in their own way. Well, that means nada, since mine hasn’t done anything for me. I don’t even know our team’s stats because she won’t post them. I need to find a new unit to hang with and get the momentum back. And they're missing the boat by not offering workshop/retreat support. We need the residual business to keep us going. And we get that by workshops and retreats. But CM doesn't feel that counts as anything, and they belittle that. That's where almost all of my business comes from. And so many other people. So come on - give us a little support/training/help in that area. They would be amazed at the profits we could get.

Enough negativity. Tomorrow will be a better day and I’ll be out of this funk.