Recovery

I’m back home. And I feel so much better. Thursday was very hard. We got to the hospital at 8:00 and got signed in. They called me back pretty quickly. I got the robe on and they started me on the IV. Ouch! Very painful. It was one of the hand ones, which I don’t like. Then they took me in for the needle biopsy. They had me in the same machine that the stereotactic biopsy but it wasn’t as painful. They had to inject some blue dye and a wire so that Dr. Moynihan could see what he was doing. Then they took me back to my waiting space. L was in there with me as well. Around 10:00, they took me in for the nuclear insertion part. Oh man, that was painful. They had to prick me 4 times in the nipple area, and that hurt, hurt, hurt.

Then it was back to my little area. The surgery wasn’t scheduled until 1:45, so we had several hours. I slept a lot of that time, answered a lot of questions, slept more. But the best news – Dr. M. came in and told me that the results of my right side were benign! So that’s one thing I didn’t have to worry about.

They came in and got me ready for surgery – gave me the pain medicine and the stuff to knock me out. And I didn’t remember anything. Nothing at all. I woke up, and was just in some pain. But I didn’t get sick, which was good. We had to wait for Dr. M. to come back and give us the update before we could be released. So he came to talk to us, and that was also good news. The lymph node was clear!! The cancer didn’t spread. So I’m extremely grateful about that as well.

Thursday night was pretty rough. They gave me Vicodin for the pain, and I have to keep taking that until I don’t have any more pain. I don’t need to be brave about this. I’m keeping ice on the left side, and that helps as well. I’ve been resting, parked on the couch. It’s starting to drive me crazy, since I’m not good at sitting on my butt. But I have to do it.

And my friends are wonderful. L sent me some earrings with the breast cancer ribbon on it, some socks, and the magnet. C sent me the Chicken Soup book and a necklace. Work sent me a build-a-bear, dressed in hospital gear (it’s sooo cute). The football crew sent me some yellow and white flowers in a smiley cup. C and A sent me some beautiful flowers, and so did JP. LW sent me a few cards. But nothing from B. Not even a phone call. And that hurts, especially since her mom went through this. But that’s just how she is.

It’s still a pretty scary thing to think about. I changed the gauze today, and the scar isn’t pretty. My breast is flattened in, which I just didn’t expect. And I should have. I can’t tell what the lymph node scar is yet – I haven’t really looked at that yet. And I don’t know what my breast will turn out to look like once the sutures are out.

Stuff

So I had my second biopsy and MRI today. K came with me, which was nice. But man, this one hurt like the dickens! I just want this over with.

I had lunch with MB#1 today. And it was nice. I haven’t seen him since November, so it was good to catch up in person. He said he’ll stop by sometime to give me the CDs from the Bruce show. I’ve only been trying to get them for 6 months now! So we’ll see if he does that. I gave him the update on me. I know he feels bad for me.

And Atlanta Boy called me today. I had called him yesterday – I wanted to give him an update on what is going on. I was surprised that he called me back – he doesn’t always do that. Especially since he’s still dating his girlfriend. If he wasn’t dating her, it wouldn’t have been a surprise. He’s not sure where that is headed. They’ve been together for quite some time now – almost a year, if not at a year. And that’s good for him. I’m happy for him.

Still nothing from FB. I don’t know how long he was going to be out of town. I’m very bummed about that. Stupid boy!

Another Scare

So on Wednesday I get a call from the surgeon’s office wanting to talk to me about my MRI that is scheduled for Friday. Friday? No, I had it on Tuesday. Nope, I have another one scheduled for Friday. Okay, but two things. One – I’m not here on Friday, I’ll be in PA for CPR, and Two – what second MRI? Well, apparently they saw something on my first MRI but this time in my right breast. So they want to check it out. Do I have to be worried about this? No, they don’t think so but they want to be sure. Oh, and Dr. M. will call you later today to talk to you about this. Fine. So Dr. M. calls me and mentions a biopsy. Hello?? What biopsy? Well, apparently they are going to look at this “thing” on my right breast and if it is an actual “something” then they will biopsy it then. So that way if it is something that I need to worry about, they can deal with it on Thursday for the lumpectomy. He said it was only 1/3 of an inch and he didn’t seem to be too worried about it. But crap, crap, crap. So now I have to deal with all of that this week. I was okay knowing it was just the one side and easier treatable. Now I have to worry about both sides.

Relaxation

This was a much needed weekend! Very relaxing. On Thursday I had to go to the hospital in the morning for the pre-op appointment, and get some blood drawn and get my chest x-ray. They put a big note in my file that says that I am scared of needles (and IV's). But I made it through that part. Then it was time to go pack up for the weekend. I met up with ES and TS in Leesburg - we were doing a late lunch with CW and GA and her kids at Sweetwater. Then TS and I headed to Penn State to spend the night with MP. And that was fun - just seeing her and catching up. I hadn't seen her since the DC retreat! We originally had plans to hit the town but decided to stay in and just gab. Friday we got up, headed over to St. Joseph's Institute and set up for the retreat. This place is gorgeous - I'll have to post pictures later. Then her oldest child was having an art show at camp, so we went there. It was really cute. We decided to hang out at Penn State and eat at The Hub (their campus gathering place) and made a quick trip to the bookstore. We finally got here about 3:00 and started settling in for the weekend. We had 16 people for the weekend, with 3 drop-ins. We have our own lodge for sleeping - and the rooms are adorable! Me and Skisugar are sharing a room. They are twin beds, and I have a trundle under it. The lodges are log cabins and you just want to stay there forever. Friday night we ordered from Brother's Pizza - they have yummy cheese sticks! Saturday and Sunday the meals are included. On Saturday, PGB and I tried the resistance pool - wow, what a workout (I'm a bit sore from that today). It felt so wonderful. We treated ourselves to the Jacuzzi afterwards.

As usual I've been the last person working and the first one up. But I don't feel like I'm getting a lot done. I have most of A's album down, and my little one done. But I haven't done much on my football album as I anted, and I haven't even started Disney. I won't work on Disney today, but hopefully I can get all of football done, less the titles, before heading home today.

I Hate Waiting

Now I'm playing the waiting game again. We have a tentative date for the surgery, but I have to have some pre-op work done first at the hospital. And that's what we're waiting on. I can't do anything until I know those dates as well. Ugh. We were hoping to have all of this done yesterday morning, but now I'll have to wait until Monday.

My sister in CA wants to come out for the surgery. I have to figure out how to let her know that she doesn't need to do so. But if she does, it can only be for a short time. I just can't deal with all of that right now.

I talked to MB#1 yesterday and let him know what's going on. He was extremely supportive of me. He definitely made me feel a bit better about a lot of things.

I don't get to see FM this weekend - he's in Blacksburg visiting a friend who just got back from Afghanistan. So I won't get to see him until sometme in August. Kind of a bummer. But at least I can get this stuff out of the way. He's supposed to send me pictures of the fraternity house in remodeling mode.

Time to go clean my house.

It's Definitely Cancer

So I saw the surgeon on Tuesday, and it's definitely cancer. Crap. But, the good part about it - they caught it early. Thankfully the cancer cells haven't developed into a mass, so I only have to get a lumpectomy. Only. They will also do a lymph node biopsy, and I'm praying that there are no cancer cells there. If so, then it's a rougher course of treatment. But if not, then it should be easier. I'll need 6 weeks of radiation, every day, Monday - Friday. But I can do that, and I can beat it.

Of course, I need to have a breast MRI (which will cost me about $500), plus some blood work and a chest x-ray. Then I have to have two small procedures done before the surgery, which is hopefully scheduled for 2 weeks from today. But I'll have time to recover before everything starts up again.

So for a horrible thing, it's the best of it.

The Full Monty

Well, almost... Isn't this just way too cute??

Is He Stupid??

I'm checking my e-mail this morning, and MB#3 sent me that e-mail again! What is up with that? I quickly deleted it, and then deleted my trash. If I didn't answer it the first time, and didn't answer it the second time, and told him I wasn't going to read it, why would I answer it the third time? Honestly - does he really think that I would be so excited to read this e-mail and want to jump into a relationship with him? Not just with him, but with someone who is so ready to throw away their vows with someone else. Nope, not going to happen. Never going to happen. Read between the lines, dude.

And like this is just what I need right now. Ugh.

Pondering

So I've had a little over 24 hours to think about things. And it's still as scary. Especially when I've done some research and found out that the majority of women who have breast cancer have to have surgery. And I'm so not looking forward to that. I've never had surgery. I don't want to have surgery. But I have to realize that I probably will have surgery. Me, the person who is terrified of needles, will most likely have to have surgery.

There are 5 stages of cancer:
Stage 0 (called carcinoma in situ)
Lobular carcinoma in situ (LCIS) refers to abnormal cells lining a gland in the breast. This is a risk factor for the future development of cancer, but this is not felt to represent a cancer itself.

Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) refers to abnormal cells lining a duct. Women with DCIS have an increased risk of getting invasive breast cancer in that breast. Treatment options are similar to patients with Stage I breast cancers.

Stage I: early stage breast cancer where the tumor is less that 2 cm, and hasn't spread beyond the breast

Stage II: early stage breast cancer in which the tumor is either less than 2 cm across and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm; or the tumor is between 2 and 5 cm (with or without spread to the lymph nodes under the arm); or the tumor is greater than 5 cm and hasn't spread outside the breast

Stage III: locally advanced breast cancer in which the tumor is greater than 5 cm across and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm; or the cancer is extensive in the underarm lymph nodes; or the cancer has spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone or to other tissues near the breast

Stage IV: metastatic breast cancer in which the cancer has spread outside the breast to other organs in the body

I'll find out on Tuesday what stage I'm in.

Okay - but what really pisses me off is that I met someone. I don't even know if anything will even come of this. But I can't even think that something could potentially come of this. Not right now. And that's so not fair. He's the first guy that I have even been remotely interested in for quite some time. But it's not fair to him or to me. And that just bites.

Why???

I got the results of my biopsy and they are positive. Crap. Double crap. But I knew it. I knew it when I had to go back in for the second set of mammograms. I knew it when they said I needed the biopsy. And I knew it when they took 15 samples. So now I have to deal with it. I go in on Tuesday for the initial appointment and we'll figure out what my options are.

But man, go pick on someone else. Me and my family have been though enough over the past year. I'm sick of it. Totally sick of feeling like I'm being beaten down and having to struggle to get up again. But I keep doing it because that's what I have to do. But really - leave us alone now.

And I met this guy this weekend, but right now I can't even think that something might happen. I can't worry about that on top of everything else.

Crap.