Dad's Autobiography

In 1988, Dad wrote up his autobiography. I've read it many times, and over the past year have pulled it out to keep it close. I read through sections of it all the time. In one section, he talks about his mid-life crisis.He said that he came to realize that many of the things he had anticipated would never come to pass - he would not be fabulously wealthy, he would not leave a mark on the world in any way, andhe would not be a world-famous chemist.

And I cry when I read those words. Every single time.

My father might not have been fabulously wealthy in terms of cold, hard cash, but he was so wealthy in what he had to give to us. He gave me love, affection, tenderness, caring. He never judged me, ever. He supported me in every way

Maybe he didn't leave a mark on the world the way he wanted to, but he left a mark with me. There were so many things I did because Dad did them that way. He never pressured me to think in a certain way, but many times I did because I wanted to be like him. He taught me so many things.

And maybe he wasn't a world-famous chemist, but he was famous to me. He had various publications and patents. How wonderful was that!!

So Dad, you did accomplish what you sent out to do. Maybe not in the way you wanted to, but you did it. And I love you for it.

And I miss you so much, every day.

happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day - a day I really hate. And I can't say why. I am grateful for my stepmom - she is wonderful, but it's still a very difficult day for me. I wish I could tell my mom happy mother's day, but alas, that is not an option I really have.

Phone Calls

So MB#1 gets back from his trip and is on his way up to pick up his daughter. We had been TM-ing earlier in the day, then all of a sudden I didn't hear from him. Apparently his phone died. So he came back home, charged it for a few minutes and called me. He said he might call back on his way home.

I need to stop this. It's too hard to deal with these emotions.

Have you or haven't you?

Got this from H from her blog.

Which of these have you done?

Gone on a blind date? Once - it was the worst date I've ever had.
Skipped school? Many times.
Watched someone die? Unfortunately yes - my father
Been to Canada? Not yet
Been to Mexico? Many times!
Been to Florida? Every year!
Ever stood on a state line? Yup - especially at 4 corners (AZ, NM, UT, CO)
Been on a plane? Lots of them!
Been in a car accident? Unfortunately yes
Been on a Helicopter? No but I'd love to
Been lost? Lots of times.
Been on the opposite side of the country? Yep, especially since I was born on one coast and now live on the other coast.
Gone to Washington, DC? Yes, live right by there.
Swam in the ocean? Love the ocean!
Cried yourself to sleep? Unfortunately many times.
Played cops and robbers? When I was younger.
Recently colored with crayons? Does colored pencils count?
Sang Karaoke? Poorly, but yes.
Paid for a meal with coins only? Nope
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Drink? Yup, especially last night :(
Made prank phone calls? Back in high school…
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out your nose? Yup!
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? I love doing this.
Danced in the rain? That's always fun to do!
Written a letter to Santa Claus? Yeah but I don’t remember if he answered it.
Been kissed under the mistletoe? Yup - especially once by a guy I had a huge crush on - he was my BF for so many years and we did everything but...
Watched the sunrise with someone you care about? I miss this…
Blown bubbles?
Gone ice-skating?
Gone to the movies? Just yesterday with my axe-murdering friends!

Why does he have to be married?

Married boyfriend is in Vegas for the weekend for a bachelor party. He kept askiing me to come meet him there, but that wasn't going to work. I sent him a text last night asking how his trip was and that just started a whole slew of texts and phone calls. He was pretty trashed during the first call. They lost the groom-to-be, but did end up finding him. He kept telling me to get on a plane out there. I finally told him that if he gave me his credit card # I'd book a flight. But it was all fun and games. The TMs were getting pretty racy.

He was asking why wasn't I dating anyone and I told him that there was someone I was interested in but he wasn't available. Before it sunk in that the someone was him, he made a comment that the guy was an idiot. Then when he realized who I was talking about, he agreed with his comment that he was an idiot for not being with me. Stupid timing! That's always been our downfall. He and I have so much fun together, and we can talk about everything. But until something changes with his relationship, all we can have is friendship.

Kind of sucks!